I was under the spell of a horrible anxiety disorder in the past. I always felt that something is wrong with me, or that something bad will happen soon. I even entertained ideas that I was a psychic and that I may have predicted some things that happened already. I was constantly on alert, and I didn’t get enough sleep. I double checked the stove, the locks and even all the faucets around the house.
Someone who knew what I was thinking all the time would have called me a basket case. I would. But of course, it’s difficult to explain my anxiety disorder so they would have to simply tag me as a looney and that was that. Was I going crazy? I didn’t think so, but I still couldn’t explain the unrelenting fear of the unknown.
I even thought I was going crazy or that I was simply not up to living the life I am living. Things turned for the worse when I found out that my partner was seeing someone on the side. On top of the nervousness I was feeling, I was grieving. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am the wrong thing around here. These depressing thoughts swirled around inside my head until I realized the truth about my anxiety disorder.
But the truth is that I was living with dread. And, that I can do something about it.
Anxiety disorder is an ugly thing, and no one really knows where it’s coming from. There are bad things that happen to people daily, but the thing is that we can choose to live life dreading these things, or we can choose to find a way to live with life despite the threat of something happening. For the first time in a long while, I looked forward to good things that could happen.
Self help is possible! I was looking for things to read when I came across several self help ebooks and CDs on anxiety attacks. While I didn’t show panic attacks just yet, the symptoms all refer to what I felt and how I’ve lived the past several years. Fortunately, I found out about all these things before my mind became too ragged to learn all this.
It helped that I had a few friends that suggested help. I talked to a psychologist once and expressed my willingness to get treated. It’s uphill from there, whether or not you continue to see a psychologist. Your mind can heal, and mine did, despite the messy separation and the upheaval in my emotions.
I found myself again, and I realized I didn’t have to live with all the fears. I’m not a special case. I am just like everybody else, and they are living their lives to the fullest. I can do that, too.
Find yourself amidst the chaos inside your head induced by anxiety disorder. Look for guidance where it’s available. Read self help books like Linden. And most of all, help yourself because everything starts with you.
